written for "who dis?'

hai. It's been a while, but for me it's been a hell. days without u are days full of storm and rain in my heart. it sounds funny, like u have mentioned about it thru song but it's funnier when I miss you more than I love you. it has been four months without u here beside me, since the very last time I said good bye. It sounds like I left in you in fall but love you in winter, kak. well you know who you are since I mentioned "Kak" and I never call anyone with it before you. I've made my bed up and I need to sleep on it, I know I should. But, wondering why I gave us up easily made me have nightmare on it. You can talk anything you want, you can make joke about me, or you can brag to all your friends that you messed me up. It's true, no denial from me. I fucked up. I did. You can see my not-worth side, you can me being so stubborn for things I want. I do still fucking love you, kak. You never know how many nights I wish I could still talked and told you things I've been going thru that day, how suffer I am cause I can't call you mine, or simply the way we played games either Q&A or song pop but you made me lose in chess has been funniest moment ever. Our late call till one of us is sleepy or till hit the morning. I thought at that time, I need you to set me free so I could put all of my focus on my study but later on I realized I missing you like crazy that I couldn't keep my focus on anything but you. you never know how many days I regret my own decisions at that midnight, when I asked you to set me free but this freedom killed me. You never know, kak. Unless you don't wanna know. Unless I am being the only one who takes our relationship seriously. 

2020 isn't my best year, but at least I met u. From the very first time we met, I never knew you could be this mean so much for me. I never knew you took almost half of my time to think about you. I never knew I could talk and laugh about everything with you. or I never knew that I could fall as hard as this with anyone else but you. Tbh, I'm a type of person that falling in love easily, but after met you I don't know if I'll ever be that easy or not. You can go around and ask my friend about rare I am being like this. I'm a butterfly social, I can move on easily. But I don't think moving on from you is easy. 

I'm gonna begging and asking you to come back with me or something like that. cause even if I was in your shoes I think hundred times before giving me second chance. but giving second chance is not a sin. is not a mistake. is not showing you weak. but showing you open and mature enough to deal with me. talk to me. get mad with me. I want us to be open for each other. and one thing you need to know it's never going to late when it comes to love. you fight for it, you go thru everything for it. at least that's what I do. I know my worth. But please, don't act my stranger it hurts me every time you pop up in my time line but I can do nothing but missing you. Talk everything you left unsaid. Make it clear, I know it has been cleared from you. But still, huhu. I don't think I could ever love someone as much as I do for you. It's going to be long spring and summer till fall again. or winter I don't know. What I know exactly is I am always here. waiting for u. I meant every word I said. 

back to September all the time.